First of all, how are you approaching grief? Undoubtedly, you have questions. Is your grief normal? Are there right ways to grieve? Is it unusual to speak to your dearly departed?
Models of Grief
For years, the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross grief model was the gold standard. Many still use it. This traditional model was developed in 1969. It includes five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. One may assuredly experience these in any order. Many grief models emphasize finishing the grieving process. Meanwhile, this 1996 book, proposes a different way. https://whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-grief-paradigm/ The title is Continuing Bonds: New Understanding of Grief (Death Education, Aging and Health Care). Klass, Silverman and NIckman are the authors. For overviews of other grief models, check GRIEF RELIEF.
This is certainly refreshing learning for me. Maintaining a relationship with our dearly departed can be a healthy and normal way to cope.
Additionally, this page offers ideas to continue a connection to your loved one. Perhaps you have some other ideas as well. https://whatsyourgrief.com/16-practical-tips-continuing-bonds/
Another site documents chiefly positive mental health effects by speaking to our dearly departed. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/grief-talking-to-a-dead-loved-one-is-good-for-mental-health
There are indeed dramatically different ways to approach grief. Furthermore, it is culture dependent. Much of the death process has been removed from USA homes. Most of our institutions have “concealed many aspects of death and dying from patients and their families. One consequence is that survivors are less well equipped to deal with the aftermath of death.” (NCBI)
“Pathologic results of grieving, not surprisingly are … evaluated and labeled.” “Looking for… health consequences of bereavement is so unusual in cross-cultural perspective … that it can be regarded as …Westernization.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK217844/
Grief Practices: Other Cultures
Conversely, some other cultures encourage a continued relationship with our departed. One such example is the annual Mexican Day of the Dead holiday. It honors loved ones with home based alters. An alter is pictured at the top of the Teen Vogue site above. This beautiful photo is a scene from the movie, Coco. These alters celebrate and honor the departed. Food, decorations, photos and candles are certainly part of the celebration. Additionally, parades, music and festivals add to the atmosphere.
What if there was a way to speak to your departed loved ones? How would you do it? What would you say?
Here is another culture which promotes this connection. It is demonstrated in Japan. https://allthatsinteresting.com/phone-of-the-wind This is a Japanese phone booth with a disconnected phone. Mourners may speak their message to a loved one. The wind carries their words. I have no doubt that each heart felt message is delivered!
Finally, does your heart feel at peace with your grief approach? That is indeed a sign this is the right way for you to grieve.
Hi Linda, thank you for posting this information. My dear husband, Jim, passed away Dec 2020. I’m really having a tough time dealing with this loss. But I do a couple of things. 1. I talk to him everyday, telling him what I’m up to and what’s happening. 2. I have an alter with is urn, picture and flowers. I buy fresh flowers on the 5th of each month and light a couple of candles to honor and remember him. He was a wonderful, caring person with a great sense of humor. Loved dearly and missed by his family and friends.
You are welcome. It is with gratitude for others before me that I pass along this information. I am so sorry to hear of your husband’s passing, Wanda. It sounds like what you are doing reflects some of the practices I mention. May you and your family and friends find comfort by continuing to maintain a connection to your dear one. Take care.