Changing Grief

Changing grief is a common dilemma for bereaved folks. Sometimes there are words of wisdom which tug at our hearts and ring of truth. These are some quotes on change which spoke to me in regards to grief.

When our son was initially diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I explored many different avenues hoping to find something, anything which could help. This first quote speaks of this attitude which helped to sooth my anticipatory grief of his diagnosis.

• Miracles happen every day, change your perception of what a miracle is and you’ll see them all around you. Jon Bon Jovi

Changing Beginning Grief

In the beginning of grief, we want so desperately to undo the fact that our loved one is gone. These two quotes remind me of a better way.

• The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates
• You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. C.S. Lewis

Altering Our Lives with Grief Acceptance

One of the five stages of grief according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is acceptance. Here is a site which explains the stages: https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/12/health/five-stages-of-grief-kubler-ross-meaning-wellness These next quotes speak of acceptance.

• We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. Carl Jung
• Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience we suffer. Shunryu Suzuki

Other Causes of Grief

Grief may come not only from losing a loved one, but also from other causes. One such example would be a severe change in one’s health. This next person I quote could certainly have felt sorrow for her condition, however, she chose the higher road.

• Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. Helen Keller Here is a post with more of her quotes: Wisdom of Helen Keller

Searching for Grief Transformation

Sometimes during bereavement, we may search for help, not knowing where to look.

• If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. Lau Tzu
• I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me. Anna Quindlen

Last of All…

Lastly, in changing grief, we must move with it in an adaptable manner.

• The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. Alan Watts
• It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin

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